After returning from yet another dull event in the city last week I got to thinking about a pattern I see emerging; let me explain…..
Last year I watched the episode ‘Ex and the city’ from the TV show Sex and the city (Season 2, episode 18) for the 6th or 7th time. I felt compelled to go out and buy the film The way we were.
In Sex and the city, Carrie had finally become ‘friends’ with Mr Big who felt obliged to invite her to his engagement party to the waspy ‘Natasha’. Carrie cannot bring herself to go and subsequently drowns her sorrows with the rest of the gang at a nearby bar. The discussion turns to the similarities between Carrie and the Barbara Streisand character Katie in The way we were.
I will give you a quick overview:
Hubble (Robert Redford) was madly in love with Katie; she was complicated, wild, free spirited, artistic (and probably great between the sheets). Their relationship was complex, passionate, challenging and exciting ( so of course he ended it)….Years later he ends up with ' Rachel' ; uncomplicated, straight hair, sensible job, compliant…. runs into Katie and realises he still loves her.
In Sex and the city, Mr Big also lives to regret marrying what I would label as a ‘Stepford wife’ and starts having an affair with Carrie again.
“The label ‘Stepford wife’ is usually applied to a woman who seems to conform blindly to an old-fashioned role in relationship to her husband, compared to other, presumably more independent and vivacious women.” (Wikipedia).
It would appear that although these women look and act the part that men will eventually tire of them. Based on recent observations from my 30 something single friends, it appears that a lot of men fear strong, independent, “different” women (although they will date them and have great sex). Ultimately the “Stepford wife” will usually be the one waltzing down the aisle in the perfect white meringue dress.
As I looked around the room in the chic city bar, I was surrounded by a sea of couples; perfect looking women nibbling on hideous hors d'oeuvres wearing well coutured suits and sensible shoes. These women were looking adoringly at their bored looking ageing husbands with dodgy looking hair, wandering eyes and wonky ties…I wondered, had these men fallen prey to the ‘Stepford wife’ phenomenon? There wasn’t one interesting, different looking woman, indeed they all looked pretty much the same…hair, clothes, expression (or lack of it).
I don’t want to generalise in regard to the above but it is not the first time I have seen this and it won’t be the last. I have met a lot of men and many of them tell me
“I’m looking for a strong, independent and quirky woman”
Alas, around 70% of these men have followed Hubble and opted for Miss Stepford (divorces have followed).
I myself am definitely a “Katie” (perhaps that’s why I’m still single?!). I don’t work in an office and wear suits or sensible shoes ( I have a lot of very insensible ones including some great CFM boots) and I have curly hair (sometimes).I am fiercely independent and have an opinion that I’m not afraid to show (sometimes inappropriately!) .
I am very happy being more the ‘Katie’ type, however I spent a lot of time thinking that I was too quirky and different. I have no desire to ‘dumb down’ and become a Stepford apprentice to bag a man (even if he is over 6 foot). Ironically although only a TV show, Mr Big did end up marrying Carrie(although 4 years later and he did jilt her first).
I leave you with Carries line to Mr Big (in regard to Natasha)
“Your girl is lovely Hubble”, she replied “I don’t understand”, he replied
“and you never will” she replied……
Very entertaining read Inez and I have to say, I do share your views. It's a shame that the most interesting men get 'the fear', but I guess it's up to us to change their minds.... I am a firm believer in 'the right place, the right time' and still hold the hope that they'll come to their senses eventually. Don't change yourself, make sure they want you (or are willing to embrace your feistiness) for who you are! x
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